One hot summer morning (in late november)and as i came to
the realization that Salah Salem (my only yellow brick road
out of Heliopolis) had suddenly been erased off the map, i
switched on teh radio to hear teh news i'd been anticipating
for days on end, and silently waiting for months before
that, and yet still i couldn't hold back all the heaviness
that filled my heart. (that might sound corny, but it is
TRULY how it felt, heavy)
For the zillionth time this year, i felt a small sudden
rising panic, as i realized that someone or something htat
had been such a strong symbol to me, such a significant
ramz, was in no time at all, going to be reduced to a mere
memory in my own head.
A memory that might be provoked by a tv program, words in a
book, a song, a story.. bas at the end of the day something
that no longer exists, that only once was..
Now i realize that symbolas last forever, and memories
signify alot, and that there are a number of ahceivements
and events that's assert the fact that they DID exist..(as
opposed to being figments or manifestations of my
Bas it just suddenly seems like the world as we know it, as
we've always known it is being swept from under our feet!!
So many people, so strong in presence, influece and effect,
dissappearing one after the other, one way or the other..
Arafat, Sadam, Heikal,Edward Said, Sheikh Zayed, King
Hussien, Hafez Al Asad..
and all the new ones that step in, just DON'T seem to live
up, to fill in the empty gaps..
not good enough, not evil enough, not LOUD enough..
And it's not only people, bas in terms of events kaman, so
much that is 'unthinkable' has happened, so much that his
inhuman, or unfair, (at a time when SO Much effort has been
spent to create international bodies, nobel prizes, laws,
regulations, treaties have been structured to ensure
justice) keeps happening, and we've become so accustomed to
it, we can very easily get on with our lives..
el 7essar, teh wars, the invasions, teh sudden 'blood
disease' that no one can explain, the bloody 'liberations',
the rapes, the zoll... it goes on and on, and i'm not
reprimanding or anything, bas realy, unless i see it on tv,
read it in a paper, engage in a disucssion and am
momentarily affected, i can barely even remember its
'ma asl 7a3mel ey ya3ni...??'
All these events rushed through my head, flicks of Farenheit
9/11 (that i'm yet to see), sadam's crashing statue,NDP
billboard ads, Heikal's programs,crashing twin towers,Salah
salem completely blocked before me,Arafat in an ice cap, It
being 33 degrees in November...
all the way back to that hot summer day (in august this
time) over a decade ago, when my neighbour came flying into
the living room in her robe and pyjamas, waving her
newspaper and her splashing cup of tea, to tell us about
Iraq's invading kuwait..
Not realy an issue then, as it was actually fun to wear gas
masks and watch scuds and missiles explode in the sky,hear
the sirens that rush you back in the house, and point out
Sadam as a real live 'evil' person..
bas with time, the issue, the events, the implications, the
catastrophees become clearer and clearer for what htey are,
for what they represent, it was just a point in history that
i wasn't very familiar with... it' sover now though. and as
far as i'm concerned, it never REALY happened. i WAS there.
bas either i can't remember or i was never paying attention,
so as far as i know now, it's something i've read, and heard
about.. not experienced.
Is that what all this will become??
Events in history i'll be reading over my children's
shoulders and smiling as i recount 'how old i was when all
Can you imagine that THIS is history???
These are the events that are analyzed in text books! the
dates people have to learn by heart!!
I'm not depressed wallahi, just fascinatd at all teh sharp
turns in history that have taken place in the last ten
sometimes i want to squeeze my eyes shut to make sure i
preserve the memory, so it's MORE than just a memory.. so i
don't forget what it was 'like' when they were around.. when
it first happened..how i felt. what it mean to me.
it's REAL it's REAL, it happened, i was THERE!
At others, teh shift is exciting.. the 'world' was one thing
at one point, and is now becoming another..
A good friend of mine reminds me that all these shifts adn
changes, might mean we need to start playing a role in all
of it...speaking up and stand for what we believe in,
perhaps fight against what we don't?
Things are definately being 'shaped' now.. the world is
taking on a whole new form..
there are still lots of holes and gaps though, some that we
can fill.. others we'll sit back and watch happen..
bas if it's going to change anyway, and if so many people
are dissappaering, then maybe it is important that we start
stepping in to fill the gaps ourselves, or push those we
believe in to fill them in..
The world as we know it, or as i've known it seems to be
dissappearing, expiring, finishing..
Maybe this is an opportunity for us to start building the
world as we know it should be..
or maybe it never was that way afterall... maybe it was all
a figment of my overactive, over idealist imagination...
maybe i try to make it prettier , more dramatic as it draws
near its end.
(the heat waves on the other hand, we'll have to settle for)