Wednesday, January 07, 2004


My life.

My life is not sad; but i find that i am.
I have failed to catch up or prove that I can,
It just seems to drag on, to pull, its own strings,
Where mine are de-strung, detached, so I sling.
My chin will not lift, my eyes will not open,
As if something inside me lies empty and broken.
No light will here shine, no fresh wind blow through,
As I sit and i lie, wading in hopes, scattered ‘skew.
Not that I don’t try, and not that I succumb,
Quite simply not able, sans energy, fully numb.

Sunday, January 04, 2004

The 'Naksha' Effect

Well, there we were in the elevator making our very merry
ways to our respective office floors;
Sherine and Dalia (two colleagues of mine, sherine newly
married and quite 'settled' and dalia around 25 and with a
lifestyle very much like ours) and another woman, maybe early
30's probably single, pretty tall, with a broad build shwaya.

So we stand.. then sherine looks at me, rolls her eyes at the
woman then back at me and nodds slowly. (as if to say, 'make
note, i'll tell you later')
Once the woman steps out, she tells us how the woman had a
car accident with her husband the other day, and how she
generally dissapproves of her stance in an argument that
ensued the accident.
Dalia interrupts going,
"that woman? ma she looks crazy man!"
Sherine is quick to nod in sudden wide-eyed realization..
It's a possibility!

i shake my head, "crazy... why crazy?!"
Dalia shrugs.." I dunno.. there is a certain air of bahdalla
about her keda.. mesh 3arfa.. she's not mazboota keda,
something's wrong.."

Suddenly i worry.. I can't say i DISagree with dalia
completely, there WAS a 'not very comfortable' air about her,
bas how could we be so quick to judge!
"Dalia, i'm quite often mebahdella myself... do you think
people assume i'm crazy as i unsuspectingly step out of

"ALIA..." She starts, looking straight at me, eyes
wide "There was a S T A I N on her L A P E L" She says
tugging at her own lapel emphatically.
I stand back shwaya looking at both her and sherine. SUCH
And though, mabda2eyan i was going to argue how maybe she
wasn't so big on hygeine, or maybe she missed it, or maybe
her mohter didn't see her leave the house or....
bas there is SOMETIMES.. something about the naksha, the
wrinkled clothes, and particulalry the stain, that brings
about, not disdain... bas..a sort of weariness keda..

And by the time we made it to the 7th floor, (the lady
stopped at the second) it was decreed, that she WAS in
fact 'mesh mazboota..'
And it's not a weird occourance, and Sherine and Dalia aren't
particulalry finicky people, or huge on gossip, obsessively
hugeinic, or fadyeen, or anything that could justify it..
Bas it reminded me of the feminists that come on tv, or
Naguib sorour or anyone else who's decided to LET the world
think they've lost it..
and just walk around mankosheen, with wrinkled clothes and
stained lapels..
and people sit back and watch them, and shake their heads tsk
tsk as they do..

We have such STRICT guidelines keda..
"Kol el ye3gebak we 2elbes el ye3geb el nas.."
"When in Rome..."
I watched a movie yesterday where someone kept saying
"You ARE what you are perceived to be.."

What, you think wearily , is she trying getting at now? hehe
I dunno.

Maybe i'm ranting about "convention" and " the Socially
acceptable" again (and again), maybe i'm warning you to
check ur lapels and glare at ur elevator compadre's, or maybe
i'm just glad i don't have to worry about the naksha anymore..